A compass in my pocket

Having a plan or a vision for self, it is like having a compass in the pocket. When you sense you are getting lost, you only need to feel it through the fabric of your pocket, to re-assure yourself or to re-orientate…

But what if the plan is scary or the vision for self is blur? Does it still work as compass? I sensed the doubtful and fearful one was taking over during this drive back from our trip up north. While on the road for many hours, my mind unravelled…

Is our plan to move to Darwin crazy? unrealistic? Will it be a too harsh environment? too hot? what if..? what if..?

The end of a big year and a new one starting, many self-assessments, and probably the imminent departure may have provoked those scary thoughts. Visiting the Tropics, north of Queensland and feeling the scorching heat were the obvious stirrer..

But not only…

I am scared. I am worried. Will it work out up there for me, for us? Am I going to support the constant heat? the months of rain? Am I going to adapt to this highly challenging environment ?

And then, I remembered… where I have been… what I have achieved… and what I know. I know who I am. And when I am centered, grounded, all fear and doubt disappear. IMG_2085

This is my compass.

Now, if I want to stay true to myself and to this blog, I have to edit this post… As I was reading this last sentence…’all fear and doubt disappear’, it became clear that I was trying to fool myself. It did sound good but the noise in the back of my mind was still present…in a quite loud and scary way.

So yes, I do know who I am. And I am scared. No solution, no conclusion.  I gently feel my compass in my pocket.

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6 thoughts on “A compass in my pocket

  1. Caro, it’s beautiful! I’m speechless. I literally do not know what to say. I’m enthralled. I want to read more, to understand more, to learn more about what makes you…you. You are one of the most amazing women I know. Thank you for sharing your heart and your words and your pictures. I will wait patiently for your next installment. I’m just so impressed – as I knew I would be xx

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