Far away..

Far north or down under…when it’s far away, I am content.

I have being thinking about isolation lately. Isolated places attract me, I’m not sure why yet. Through my travels and endless queries, my path led me to some extremes.. Natashquan, Quebec, the end of the road 138 at the time (I believe the road is further north now). Far away from the big cities, and for the lone traveler that I was, it felt much further and very remote. Little communities fighting harsh winters, unemployment and isolation. But also living in an amazing environment, where trees do not grow higher than a metre, not the Taiga but pretty close. Amazing scenery. You breath differently up there. You get the whole world into your being at each breath. I didn’t live there, only visited. But secretly, I dreamed about coming back and establishing myself as a psychoeducator… Havre St Pierre was the spot.

New Zealand was not bad either…Antipods of the rest of the world really.. While living there, I could literally see myself on the globe, with my head up-side-down and so far from the rest of the world! It was truly an amazing feeling… I still can remember clearly the feeling when standing at Cape Reinga, the tip of the north island of New Zealand. You have this huge Pacific Ocean clashing with the Tasman Sea in front of you. Nothing… and SO full, ready to explode! So much energy up there.

End of this road or wherever the horizon is calling from..I will go..

So what is it? this need of isolation or remoteness? Maybe my attraction to isolated places is about matching this sense of emptiness that I experience at times. It’s like standing on the top of a mountain’s rocky edge. Your feet are grounded, but not quite solid. In front of you, emptiness.. You can feel the depths, it’s calling you.. It would be easy to let go and jump. You feel it in your whole body, you can feel your tummy tickling..and you wonder how it would feel..

I’m off track.. but not really.

Am I looking for a place that would echo this depth of emptiness or nothingness? A familiar place?

When I was 2 and a half, I experienced isolation in an unexpected way, integrated it and interpreted it as being unwanted. I was away from my family for a significant period of time. Not far but separated. While I was loved and cared for, I did experience being isolated. Being alone.

I love being far away. That’s it.

It sound simple and it is simplified. But I think the key resides here. I love being far away, away from people. Remote. Away. Alone.

Now, to make those rambling words meaningful, I have to make something out of my reflection. A few points are coming in my mind, that I think are crucial for my own growth:

  • Staying connected with others while isolated, whether it’s by choice or by geography.
  • Remoteness does not equal isolation.
  • Seeking connection when emotionally isolated.
  • and I can be alone, in a remote environment, and still be connected.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. However I find this reflection highly valuable. It helps me to make sense of my path and to appreciate it. To understand and accept myself with compassion.

IMG_1202

Salutation to the sunsetting sun, Ubirr, Kakadu, NT

A work in progress;)

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