Gratitude

My Godfather died this week… I learned the news by my cousin Audrey on Wednesday. I was at work, and all of a sudden, it’s like a drastic change of weather. One minute you feel the light wind and the warmth of the sun on your skin. The next minute, the sky gets lower and darker and a strong wind sweeps the land ferociously. Then, a light rain starts.

A little voice emerged from my chest..

My Godfather loved me like his daughter. In fact, he cherished me as his only ‘daughter’, father of two older sons.

A few days before him, it was one of my aunt who passed away.

I have to say… This is very strange hearing sad news about family, and being on the other side of the world.

A sense of helplessness and loneliness invaded me, not knowing what to do with my emotions. But instead of resisting them, I embraced them, embraced my sadness, let my tears fall down and started to grieve.

I only wish that I could have being with my family at this time, and grieve with them. Crying together, reflecting on one’s life gently, feeling close, laughing, remembering…

Early December, I wrote to my Godparents a letter. I knew my Godfather was unwell and I just needed to tell him how much I love him and how grateful I was for what both had done for me.

I also said good-bye.

I am glad I did. Daring being vulnerable and authentic in those moments is crucial. I realize now that this letter was my way of starting the grieving process beforehand, from a distance.

When I connected by Skype with my family on Wednesday evening and saw my Dad, I experienced a great sense of relief. He just had lost his brother. He looked calm and relaxed. Appeased. The thought of dying slowly in a hospital bed is unbearable for him. He was accepting his brother’s death with gratitude.

Humbling and beautiful.

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13 thoughts on “Gratitude

  1. Beautiful and authentic. Embracing the tears that fall when distance is between our loved ones brings relief amidst the pain.
    Travel well now godfather of Caroline- your large strong hands and heart have done much during your time- always too soon

    MM

  2. Je pense a toi ma Cherie… c’est tellement étrange d’être si loin dans ces moments difficiles mais ne soyons pas limité par time and space. Il est tout proche, ta famille aussi, moi aussi… je t’embrasse très fort. xxx

  3. My heart opens to say a special prayer for you and your family in this time of grief and loss. After the tears there is the honouring of all that you have learned from these precious human beings. And that remembering and honouring lives on with you.

  4. Magnifique ma chérie ce que tu as écrit pour Grand-Papa. Tu es peut-être loin de nous, mais maintenant Grand-Papa et aussi près de toi que de nous. Une belle étoile pour veiller sur nous tous. Lire tes mots m’a permit de me remémorer encore pleins de souvenirs!!
    Pleins de becs à toi ❤

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