Life lessons happen all the time. Sometimes you are aware of it, sometimes you realise long time afterwards.
One of them is learning about endurance and tenacity.
Imagine an unbearable situation. You hate it, it repels you.. You get pushed from side to side, thrown on the floor, ashamed by your own weaknesses, vulnerable. Your mind goes through various strategies to exit.. you want to go now, you have to. Your survival instinct tells you to. You cannot imagine another moment with this excruciating pain…now…it is NOW!
You have left before, so why wouldn’t you this time? You have survived it, you dealt with the consequences, processed them, you managed the reconstruction… It was hard but you managed it!
But this time, it’s different. This time, you cannot run away, you cannot change job or husband or girlfriend, you cannot escape from this tricky situation.. It’s unbearable and painful, you fear your spirit won’t sustain that much constraint… You are still unsure why, but somehow you know that you have to push further.. there is something to be learned further…
So you stick to it. You put your head down and you just do what you have to do. You stick to it… Oh it’s not easy at all…you are kicking and screaming, yelling out your hatred to the world that you could go anytime, that you have done it all before!!!!!!
You almost bend when your soul gets louder. You can hear its voice.. that you don’t deserve this much pain and shame. That it’s not good for you. That it’s simply not you!
But you put your head down…
This time, you want to make a difference, you want to change this path you are on. You know you have to. You have decided a while ago, that you had to do something different. At least try… and you know that trying won’t be enough. You have to be determined and committed fully.
So this is it, you are actually doing it. And you stick to it!
And while, in the dark hours of doubt, you wonder why you are doing this, you will see a glimpse of light in the depth of your soul… It’s like a crack in a cement wall…where some tiny vegetation starts to grow…minuscule system that thrives to survive in this sterile environment… Singular and irrepressible.
Hope. All of a sudden hope happens. And in one instant, you know why you have done this. You feel that you have actually changed something somehow… You are not screaming anymore… The chaos has disappeared. There is still a lot of work to be done. But you feel somehow different, capable, calmer. It does not scare you anymore. The battle is over.. You have done more than surviving it. You have gain strength. You have grown.
And you realise that very little now can destroy who you are becoming.