What is it that will make a difference for growth to happen?
what will it take to let go of the grievance? the bitterness? the hope for revenge?
and at what cost? what about the children??
will you be able to forgive? to put aside the hurt?
These are my thoughts today… while working on enhancing a program destined to parents who have separated, and trying to find the punchy argument that will make them realising the impact they have on their children, when in conflict with an ex-partner.
and while reading great research articles on the matter, I realised that without that very unique component that is emotional intelligence, not much can happen…
So what is it? emotional intelligence? where can I learn some more?? Some say it is innate, others say we can learn it… and if so, can we learn it while in conflict with an ex?? I doubt. However I want, or I need to remain hopeful (I am an educator after all) as I know the damages some parents inculcate to their children. This ability to perceive, understand and even control emotions is a subtle but powerful one. And if it is innate, is there another option to help people going through separation to open their eyes and to de-center themselves, for the sake of their children? And if we can learn EI, how do we foster and encourage it? Not sure what the answers are…
for some further reading, check: Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and Resilience Perspectives by Joan B. Kelly and Robert E. Emery (Family Relations, 2003, 52, 352-362)