I stand here, present to my feet,
my bones, my spine, holding me.
I stand here, present to my heart,
the blood going through my veins like rivers.
Outside the rain is battling the roof;
I stand here present to my mind,
the thoughts and the hopes,
the melancholy running like a river.
the sound of the rain resonating in my heart.
I stand tall in the storm of my mind.
This inspired me to create this mixed media piece on paper…
Being a self taught/learner artist feels at times lonely. The amazing possibility and various ranges of online workshop is fabulous and so accessible. I can learn at my own pace and try things out again and again. But the guidance, knowledge and challenges of a teacher are missing. During these times, I feel unworthy of calling myself artist, as I am feeling stuck, going into a cul-de-sac road.
I know this is the challenge I have to overcome right now if I want to pursue my creative expression. This is it, Caro! (and knowing that this feeling will visit me again from time to time)
I am doing this 100 Faces Challenge at the moment, which I tailored to suit me. I am not respecting the size that most people are doing, which is quite small (2 inches square). I thought this challenge would stretch me and it has, but not in the way I hoped for… I feel I’m confining myself in the safe and secure, the easy, the known. I mainly draw with pencils… and at the moment, I am finding myself very boring!!!
I know I have to step out of my comfit zone…but I am not sure how…and where to step out…..
Here is a few of my faces….
Now I look at them and I am really pleased…even impressed!!! I realize that I had lost perspective… We can always do better (practice makes progress after all!)… And I am learning! Stepping back to have a different perspective is ALWAYS good.
Don’t I say this all the time to my clients….;)
One of the fabulous project of Full Circle workshop from Misty Mawn is to create an explosion box… box of dreams as she called it…
For me, this will be my box of reminders…
to remind me where I came from, the journey within,
my yearning for more, for freedom mostly;
my desire for growth and integration…
(despite the running away)
my inner discoveries and exploration…
to remind myself that I matter,
that I am enough…
little and lost at times,
grounded and powerful the other times;)
and that I am daring greatly!!
I was away; did you notice;) Visiting my family, my mountains…
I sat in the kitchen, with my parents;
I listened to the sound that my village makes…
I ate all I could, fed by the love, the sounds, the stories… so many untold.
In my pocket, a thread of wool…
It is often when you feel strong(er) or grounded, pretty sure that you’ve now attained stability and happiness that, all of sudden, you get swept and shaken by stronger winds, a storm that you didn’t see coming.
It must be for a reason, right? but when it happens, the new storm irritates me immensely as my quiet stability was just a delightful comfort.
And it sounds or feels familiar too! because it always happens! it always comes back. This emotional or psychological challenge knocking to our door.
We are here to expand and stretch and learn more. Yes! Clearly there is not much interest in stagnation. Yes! But how do we keep direction? How do we know for sure that we will survive…this time?
I guess we don’t. we won’t know.
We need to get lost again, in order to go deeper; or higher depending on the image you prefer. Is this a rule? I’m not sure. I only know that’s how it has worked for me. And even though I feel confronted by what is required from me, I am reassured that what I have built until today is solid.
Well… I hope so anyway…
I had an osteopathic session today… My osteopath is an incredible therapist. He works holistically and intuitively. This is the second time I find someone like this. And because he is not a psychologist, he drops little bomb and then keeps working on my body. He goes like this… “your heart chakra seems quite closed. What’s the problem? do you feel unloved or something?”…… hum…yes…no! not really! I’m quite good actually, thank you!”
The thing is though…the body never lies; and the body-work (and my desire to expand) always helps to engage or embrace this challenge.
So I’m here, exhausted by this osteopathic/therapeutic session…and wondering if the tide is coming in or going out. While wondering, might as well take some picture of the view.